The Domestic Animals & Booze

The following was recited by Roger E. Wieland, a retired veterinarian, over Skype. He was 90 years of age at the time of recording.

The horse and mule live thirty years
And nothing know of wines and beers;

The goat and sheep at twenty die,
With never a taste of scotch or rye;

The cow drinks water by the ton,
And at eighteen is mostly done.

Without the aid of rum or gin
The dog at fifteen cashes in;

The cat in milk and water soaks,
And then at twelve years old it croaks;

The modest, sober, bone-dry hen
Lays eggs for nogs and dies at ten;

All animals are strictly dry;
They sinless live and swiftly die.

While sinful, gleeful, rum-soaked men
Survive for three score years and ten.

And some of us – a mighty few –
Stay pickled ’till we’re ninety-two.

Harlan F. Stone